Jon Simpson

My bride is at 150+ friends and I’m a few short of 200.

Please, contact your friends and assure them that I’m a “good friend” to have on Facebook.

I must reach 200 before she does.  After 200, I’ll tastefully relinquish the lead.

Oh, the details on the costs for her Bionic Arm are coming soon.

I like to think that I’m really the social networker…on the front lines of the latest communication technology and (as Rush Limbaugh says) “…on the cutting edge of societal evolution.”

So, anyway, my bride joins Facebook (barely  22 hours ago) and already she’s pushing 60 friends.  Currently, I’m at 189 and holding (and after…well, I’m embarrased to say how long I’ve been on FB).

You see, ask anyone and they’ll tell you that my bride is one of the most caring and thoughtful persons on the planet.  She is awesome.  For me that’s a problem.

You see, I’m pretty sure that you’ll not overhear folks refering to me that way.  Not that I’m mean (well, a little), but if you passed me on the street I’d just walk by you…assuming that you want your privacy.  My bride?  She’s flag you down, give you a big hug and then find out how you were and maybe even what you’re thinking and in all probability extract from you what you had for breakfast that morning.

She loves people.

So…I’m changing my prediction posted last night… I predict that she’ll quadruple my friend list number (now known to all as 189) and it will take her one-fourth the time.

That’s my final answer.

That, of course, will mean only one thing: She’ll have twice the friends I have in half the time.  She was born for this.

Late last week we received the bill for the fine work done on my bride’s arm (see previous post).  My Facebook friends will recall that I solicited guesses on what they thought it cost…suggesting that they “aim high.”  I received many guesses; from $13,000 to $32,000.  All were low.

I joked with my wife during her brief hospital stay, saying, “Honey…now you have a Bionic Arm!”  We laughed and laughed (and for her part probably due to the IV push of morphine).   So, anyway, we get this bill and I’m going over it line by line.  The sound of my jaw hitting the floor was noticed by our dogs.

As the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words (and, in this case, many, many, many more dollars):

This is an actual scan of the actual bill we received.  How ’bout those miscellaneous charges!  We think it’s for the hardware, but golly, what’s it made of?!

We have some questions and my guess is that our insurance company does too.  For now, I’ll protect the hospital because, after all, accidents happen.

By the way, I’m trying to get the x-rays of her arm and show you because the before and after images are amazing.  Again, our experience at the hospital was wonderful…and I guess it should have been!

We’ll let you know how it goes.

Two weeks ago tonight, my lovely bride, Mika, returned to softball after a 15 year hiatus.  She was so excited to once again don the cleats and swing the bat.  During the top of the second inning of her first game, she found herself up to bat.  With two outs, she didn’t want to be the third one and tarnish her triumphant return, so she focused accordingly.

After a mighty swing, she connected for what surely was a base hit.  To secure it, she ran toward 1st base as fast as she could…which, for my honey, is fast indeed.  Then, a confluence of catastrophic events began to unfold: her right calf cramped, the cramp caused her to slightly spin clockwise, almost immediately her left foot hit a rut in the field, and finally, in her new, stiff cleats, she lost her footing and fell forward, at full speed, onto the ground.

Reports from the dugout were that three “snaps” could clearly be heard.  Groans erupted from the stands.

Apparently she tried to break her fall with her left hand, but instead broke her arm.  After hobbling back to the bench, she summarily passed out. (It’s important for the reader to know that Mika bore 5 children without the comforting effects of sedation or an epidural–not showing off, just saying.)

Mika fractured her left forearm in three places: two on the Ulna bone (one of which broke the skin) and the other on the Radius bone.  The x-rays were spectacular. Of course, surgery was necessary and within 3 hours, she was in for repairs.

With the exception of the x-ray technician’s handling of her broken, floppy limb in the ER, the hospital staff was wonderful…her surgeon (who reminded us of Doogie Howser) was excellent.  All went well and after a few days in the hospital, she returned home working to get things back to normal.

Her left hand is weak, but works.  Right now, only her thumb is giving her trouble…won’t flex.  All-in-all, though, things look good and we are both grateful to our friends and neighbors who have sent her well-wishes and brought over flowers, cards, dinners, and goodies.

Mika not only broke her arm she also broke her record…  a record of no fractures, no ambulance rides, no surgeries, and no pain medications.  Her journey was amazing and it’s not over.

Let the history books show that she never cried…you know, no crying in baseball.

It was I that shed a tear…when the bill came.  More on that later.